Interesting perspectives on real life issues.

I've always got a pretty good laugh out of Woody Allen.
Most folks hate him, or don't think he's all that funny, but his perspectives on life issues amuse the heck out of me.
So many things he says hit so close to home, I feel like he was thinking of me when he wrote them.
Others are the truth, from a different perspective, but the truth non-the-less.

Submitted for your approval....

That [sex] was the most fun I ever had without laughing.
(Annie Hall)

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.

My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty.

Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty interesting questions.

I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.

I'm really a timid person - I was beaten up by Quakers.
(Sleepers)

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.
(Without Feathers, 'The Scrolls')

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to sleep with me and she said 'no'.
(Woody Allen Volume Two)

Some guy hit my fender, and I told him 'be fruitful, and multiply.' But not in those words.
(Woody Allen: Clown Prince of American Humor)

And my parents finally realize that I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: they rent out my room.
(Woody Allen and His Comedy)

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
(Woody Allen and His Comedy)

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work…I
want to achieve it through not dying.
(Woody Allen and His Comedy)

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
(Selections from the Allen Notebooks, New Yorker)

On bisexuality: It immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
(New York Times)

I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.

The baby is fine. The only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson.

I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's so hard to find your way around Chinatown.

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be in my bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.

The only time my wife and I had a simultaneous orgasm was when the judge signed the divorce papers.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.

If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative.

There are two types of people in this world: good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.

Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought - particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.

94.5% of all statistics are made up.

Why ruin a good story with the truth?

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.

I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.