Interesting perspectives on real life issues.

I've always got a pretty good laugh out of Woody Allen.
Most folks hate him, or don't think he's all that funny, but his perspectives on life issues amuse the heck out of me.
So many things he says hit so close to home, I feel like he was thinking of me when he wrote them.
Others are the truth, from a different perspective, but the truth non-the-less.

Submitted for your approval....

That [sex] was the most fun I ever had without laughing.
(Annie Hall)

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.

My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty.

Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty interesting questions.

I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.

I'm really a timid person - I was beaten up by Quakers.
(Sleepers)

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.
(Without Feathers, 'The Scrolls')

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to sleep with me and she said 'no'.
(Woody Allen Volume Two)

Some guy hit my fender, and I told him 'be fruitful, and multiply.' But not in those words.
(Woody Allen: Clown Prince of American Humor)

And my parents finally realize that I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: they rent out my room.
(Woody Allen and His Comedy)

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
(Woody Allen and His Comedy)

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work…I
want to achieve it through not dying.
(Woody Allen and His Comedy)

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
(Selections from the Allen Notebooks, New Yorker)

On bisexuality: It immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
(New York Times)

I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.

The baby is fine. The only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson.

I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's so hard to find your way around Chinatown.

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be in my bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.

The only time my wife and I had a simultaneous orgasm was when the judge signed the divorce papers.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.

If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative.

There are two types of people in this world: good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.

Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought - particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.

94.5% of all statistics are made up.

Why ruin a good story with the truth?

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.

I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.

Jocularity?

We all have a sense of humor, right?
Like most people, I seem to like many different types of humor,
I've seen some folks you need to put under a microscope to find it, but when you get down to femtometers, you'll find it.
Other people have a sense of humor soooo dry, you'd swear they'd spent too much time in the Sahara Desert. And then there's are those that prefer 'bathroom' humor, more of a Mel Brooks kind of thing.
I also like the cerebral stuff (Woody Allen at mid-career.). Not that I'm an intellectual, if you've read anything I've written here, you can see I'm a 'regular guy'.

Anyway, I thought I'd put up some things that make me laugh... or at least made me laugh in the past, and smile now.

So, here goes.



Okay, I know this disaster happened 72 years ago
I WAS NOT around to see it, but the total ridiculousness of
the modified image put to a bastardization of the
commentator's words makes me laugh.


What could be more wholesome, nutritious, and harmless
then baby food? Feeding a baby anything that would hurt
them is just plain evil... but the look on the kids face on this bottle
of 'baby food' is priceless. I'd feel the same way!


Most certainly a rude awakening for the rabbit!


This really isn't laugh-out-loud funny, but I thought it
strange enough to post. They even got the instruments right.


Perhaps the best photo-edit 'funny, I've ever seen.
Just for the imagination shown if nothing else.
Given enough time, in the right circumstances
we can even find humor in a national tragedy.
...I never knew Jack Ruby was a Hendrix fan, playing
left-handed like that.



I like this joke because it's reality.
The manufacturing facility I worked at for 35 years
made me aware that there are those who; no matter
how much you do and how well you do it... they want more.

The succinct nature of intimacy

I'm a big fan of this guy.
His writing burns like a fire in my mind.
Not many do that to me (Lovecraft does too.)

Here's some scribbles he put to type that in all too many cases rings true.
Reminds me of a Woody Allen movie.

The Succinct Nature of Intimacy

Will you go out with me?
I think I like you.
I care for you.
I love you.
Will you marry me?
Goodbye.

~ J. M. Straczynski

Friday!

Friday USED to have meaning to me.
20 years ago it was hit the clubs on High Street in Cowtown and listen to some really good bands.
Not being much of a drinker I heard one couple that followed the same bands I did refer to me as "the coffee guy", since I pounded a lot of that in place of stronger drink.
Not that I didn't drink, I just didn't want the queasiness associated with Saturday mornings I saw so many of my friends have.
In the many years since then I've lost track of the music scene, a family life and real work taking my favorite pastime's place.
Did I say work? Friday was I would hope would be two days out of the 'salt mines', most the time I could be home, doing things that required attention at home.
But many Saturdays and way too many Sundays found me back in the plant doing the things my bosses expected but, I couldn't get to because the actual work I did consumed my 10 to 12 hour week days.
So my plant packed up the work and moved south, leaving a lot of dedicated people here, and like so many others in this country, looking for work.
I'm not gripeing about the company I worked for, 35 years is a pretty good run. A lot more then most folks have at a umber of different jobs period.
But it brings me back to Fridays...
Heck, I don't go out, I don't care about high school football, for God's sake! Doctor Who is between season right now and there isn't even anything on TeeVee I really want to see, so I guess that means I really AM old.
I guess I could just be the geek I am and pull out my Doctor Who or Babylon 5 DVD sets and watch them, or perhaps my Torchwood eps saved to the DVR.
There's always my copy of V for Vendetta, maybe I'll watch it and imagine how badly the United States needs to have the ending of that movie happen in real life.
Or perhaps I'll hit-the-hay early tonight...
Friday's are NOT what they used to be.

Okay, I said it's been 20 years since I was really out and about, and it has, but here's a song with a title of a different duration, I'll relate to no matter how many years it's been.

10 Years Gone

I'm fixing a hole...

Busy, busy, busy; the last 3 days... at least for an unemployed guy.

Pulled the entire kitchen sink to find a leak coming from one of three possible places on the faucet.
I didn't want to pull the sink, but the chap that installed it must have been a 3 foot tall, double-jointed contortionist.
I had a HECK of a time doing what I did.
Regardless, I fixed the leak!
Now I have to find out why I'm seeing small puddles of water under the garbage disposal when there was no water there before I fixed the other leak.
...I'm NOT pulling the sink again!!!

Fixed a door that would not shut properly.
The wonders of power tool's; a little jig saw at that.

Replaced a bit of plumbing in one of the bathrooms.
It works fine now, and NO LEAKS there!

My spare refrigerator (the one in the garage for pop... honest, pop) stopped cooling several days ago and a buddy of mine happened to have the exacxt part needed to fix it.
After doing a bit of rewiring to compensate for a new style replacement part pluged it in and it worked, no blown fuses,no sparks, no fire.

...maybe I can get a job at ACORN.
I understand openings just opened up.

Different day, same garbage...

More corruption exposed within a 'community organization' that our government has allotted 8.5 billion tax dollars to.
Thousands of average, every day people to march on Washington D.C today to protest a government that either doesn't understand The Constitution, or is ignoring it to further an agenda that both party's seem to support.
Despite 'happy' reports, our county's economy is still in a state of recession.
But the news of the day around here is college football. Our news media has it's priorities straight.

On the lighter side... everyone needs some recreational down time.
I occasionally play video games, I enjoy RPGs like the Final Fantasy series, but this week I found a game I thought I'd hate, was actually fun.

The Beatles Rock Band is a blast to play.
I've always thought; why play a game? Pick up an instrument and make music!
My kids had me jump in to sing and play drums on songs that were the soundtrack of my youth.
Perhaps it the fact I know these songs so well, I don't need to read the words to sing along, and I have a pretty good idea what's going to happen with the guitar and drums... it's just which button to push that's driving me crazy. Pushing a button is nothing like having your fingers on the fret board, or a pick hitting the strings.... drums? I just beat the heck out of them.
Apologies for my sad, sad vocals to John Lennon, George Harrison, and Paul McCartney....
Ringo Starr, I think I probably sound like Ringo, or maybe Bob Dylan....Tom Waits?

btw... I never did acid, I barely drank... but several of the cut scenes HAVE to be what one would experience while tripping.
That game made me feel like I was 12 years old again.
And given today's non-headlines, I needed that.

To be or not to be?

I think it would be interesting to set up and maintain my own blog instead of just reading others.

...the question it, will I do it, or will I be a slug, taking up a tiny bit of bandwith?

For now, consider this place a work (or play) in progress.